Emotional Intelligence in the real world – Skills for real situations.

A lot gets written about the various concepts of Emotional Intelligence (EQ).  Less clear, however, is how EQ helps in real world situations.  

So, here’s a thought experiment. 

Imagine you’re at work and your boss informs you that she’s taking 12 months long service leave.  A decision has been made to backfill with an internal employee, and your name came up.  Formal interviews will be scheduled next week, and you are strongly encouraged to apply.  

Your reaction to this news is complicated.  At first you feel flattered and excited.  You know this will look good on your CV and will pave the way for future promotions.  But you also feel uneasy.  Despite the benefits you start to notice some anxiety.  As you imagine yourself taking on the role, a voice in the back of your head tells you, “Who are you kidding?”  “Nobody thinks you are good enough.”  Part of you wants to stay in your comfort zone.  This is imposter syndrome.

So how does EQ help you beat imposter syndrome?

EQ is typically broken down into four parts.  These are… 

  1. Self- awareness
  2. Self- mastery
  3. People skills
  4. Motivation

Here’s how each component might help you.

1. Self awareness

Self-awareness is the ability to manage your emotional states before they manage you.  In tapping into self-awareness, as a skill, you recognise and monitor your self-doubts early, before they take hold.  You know you can’t stop them completely, but you can refuse to let them make your decisions for you.  You accept that some negative thoughts and feelings will accompany you on the journey, at least in the early stages, and you reframe that as a price you are willing to pay for something worthwhile.

2. Self-mastery

Self-mastery includes knowing your top strengths and exploiting them when you need to.  For example, consider the interview process.  If your top strength is ‘social intelligence’ you could turn the interview into an opportunity to thank the panel for their decision to trust the role to an internal applicant.

If your top strengths are ‘learning’ or ‘curiosity’ you could use the interview to demonstrate the research you have done into the role, thus showing you are ready to hit the ground running.

Different strengths provide different avenues to take control, so it’s good to know yours.  This is the difference between approaching the situation with mastery, and not being a deer in the headlights. 

3. People skills

Part of your anxiety about the new role will be uncertainty around how people will receive you.  Your work colleagues have not seen you in this role before and may need reassurance.  Some may even resent missing out themselves.

With a little empathy you can help people make the adjustment.  Simply by acknowledging that “this will be an adjustment for all of us” and reassuring people you will do your best to support them will go a long way to soften any resistance.  Empathy melts negativity.    

4. Motivation

Motivation is the holy grail of leadership.  Motivation is how we get things done.  But what drives your behaviour?

With any goal there is a mixture of internal and external motivations.  Internal motivations are when you do something purely for intrinsic satisfaction.  An example would be a hobby you enjoy, without any fanfare, simply because you love it.

External motivations are when we do something for the secondary rewards.  An example would be a job you dislike, but the money is good. 

Studies show internal rewards work better.  You are more likely to persevere with goals you find intrinsically rewarding.  You will also experience more satisfaction and mastery, which further reduce imposter syndrome.  

So ask yourself this question.  

“If I won lotto, would I still want this opportunity?”  If the answer is ‘yes’, then go for it and don’t look back.  You’ve got this!

But if the answer is ‘no’, perhaps this particular opportunity is not for you after all.

Brad‘s new book The Matilda Principle: Covert strategies for building positive teams in difficult environments, with negative people and stressful workloads has more tips for leaders who want to build a positive workplace.